Phase Two

A few months ago, I talked about my plan to help develop my routines and push me to mastery; the focus of this plan was to focus on my numbers without recording them. As such, this is the reason why I have not been posting my numbers behind my blog postings so far. I am confident to say that phase one has been a success; I have developed routines and habits that I am confident will not be shaken by the need to record them.

Now, I am moving onto phase two. In the remaining month and a bit before the new team begins, I am going to start recording my numbers. Ultimately, my goal is to see if my plan is continuing to work, and to make any necessary adjustments before the Dragon Team begins. Iron out the details now, or so you could say.

With that, here goes.

Numbers

• Push-ups: 0
• Sit-ups: 0
• Katana: 0
• Snake: 0
• AoK: 0
• Distance (km): 0
• Sparring: 0
• Blogs: 0

The Forest: Serene and Powerful

It has been quite some time since my last Visualization to Kinetic Representation (VKR) post. When I first started initially working on my VKR series, my plan was to use blogging as a way to record my “research” and aid me in my search for the Visualization which best represents my Kung Fu. To be completely honest, I anticipated this to be a very arduous journey. I was expecting blank after blank and to be so frustrated I would want to change my perspective altogether. I guess you could say I got lucky; it did not take me long at all to figure out what I needed.

I spent four months living in a forest in the middle of nowhere this summer. I talked about it quite a bit in previous blogs; the serenity of living and training in a location that was in a very natural state. As I was doing my forms in a clearing in the woods, it had occurred to me; the forest is my visualization. One of the biggest struggles with VKR that I mentioned in my initial posting is that I could not quickly change gears between different visualizations. Another struggle is that my many visualizations did not embody the whole of me. Using the forest fixed both of these problems relatively quickly.

For issue number one, I have broken it down as follows. A forest is not a concrete or singular entity; it comprises many living organisms and habitats and is in a state of constant change. As such, I can “hone in” on different aspects of a forest to use for my different intents. Previously, when shifting from Tai Chi to Lao Gar, I would switch from a Water visualization to an Earth one, which resulted in a muddy blend. Now, I can make that same transition by shifting from the visualization of a creek bubbling in the woods (Tai Chi) to an animal dashing through the trees (Lao Gar). Two different settings, tied closely together. 

As for having a visualization that properly represents me, I think the forest also is a very appropriate fit. It is an environment in which I am very passionate about; I have chosen a career that lets me take an active role in protecting and managing it. It is also an environment I have grown up in very close proximity to (quite literally, in my backyard). As such, I like to think I can visualize it very efficiently. 

After I realized that this could be my golden goose, I applied it to my weapon form. Lo and behold, the shoe fit. Since then, I have been able to break down the moves of my forms into very specific, individual visualizations that allow me to channel my intent significantly smoother than I ever have before. Since each individual visualization is a different “snapshot” of an event which occurs within a forest, I can cycle through them with ease and coherence. While this has been easy to do with my weapon form, the next step will be to begin applying it to the rest of my forms and techniques. 

I believe this is the essence of my personalization; an aspect of my Kung Fu which is uniquely me. 

Done Like Dinner

I handed my last paper in on Friday. I got it graded on Saturday. I got the following email yesterday. I am writing this blog today. 

With that said, these last few days have been rough. A lot of mental rebound and sudden lack of stress. It has left me, well, more stressed? With the winter holidays coming up, I am looking forward to being able to relax and reset, and work on a new routine with substantially less writing. With that said, pheeeeeeeeew. I am SO done with school. 

Understanding Fear

A few weeks ago, I went through a sour gas training and safety course with work. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting too much going into it. As far as work-mandated training goes, it was just a box I was trying to get checked off the to-do list. Of course, it is in the most unlikely of places that you find some of the most valuable wisdom.

One of the first things our instructor did was ask around the room what everyone’s experience with sour gas was, and then he just started talking. One of the first things he asked was if people were scared of sour gas. Mixed response. He just shrugged it off and said something along the lines of “it’s good to be scared. It’s healthy to be scared. What’s not okay is if you let your fear shut you down. Acknowledge your fear; learn about it. Prepare for it. Challenge it. Be better than it. That’s what we’re doing today”.

Um, okay? I came here to learn how to put on an oxygen tank, not get targeted anxiety therapy from a 62 year-old grizzled oil worker named Greg. 

The thing is, I’ve known this for years. It’s a common concept. But in the face of anxiety, it can be very easy to forget. I am not an impulsive person, but I am a cautious person (shocker, I know. Let me explain). When I make a decision, I often consider as many contingencies and outcomes as possible. When I make a phone call, I rehearse it about four times before I dial. I refuse to take my keycards off my pants in fear of forgetting them. 

Ultimately, in this regard, there is something of a gap between who I am on the mats and who I am off of them. I do not rehearse my warm-ups (for the most part). I do not break down every little contingency. For better or for worse, I thrive on a “do-what-I-want” attitude. I like to think that I am relatively unbothered by performing in demos, too. I mean, I still get thrown off by things like space limitations on a stage and the timing required, but nothing compared to what it used to be. In my first IHC year, the amount of times I completed my form in an actual demo was definitely below 20%. I would panic, mess up, and swing my broadsword until I could figure out how to get my last few moves in to cue for the person following me (which was usually Sihing J Lagner. I’ll apologize to her if I ever get the chance). 

When I consider it, this is because Kung Fu has been one of the longest constants in my life. Once upon a time, it used to be a source of anxiety and fear. But over the course of many years, I have acknowledged that anxiety and fear. I have learned about it. I have prepared for it. I have challenged it. I have become better than it (most days, atleast). 

It’s unfortunate it’s not a quick process, but there’s satisfaction in knowing that time does help. 

Big Spear, Little Spear

Although I have yet to do it as an IHC weapon, the spear is a weapon in which I am very naturally inclined to. It makes a lot of sense to me and I enjoy using it to the point where I learned Sifu Brinkers spear form on my own time, many years ago. On top of that, the spear form is one that I can accurately recall after long periods of time without much difficulty, in comparison to other weapons forms. I can find a lot of inspiration with the spear and I have created several musical and creative forms (none of which have seen the light of day, for better or for worse) over the years with it. 

As such, I decided it was finally time for me to do the spear as my weapon next year. Originally, my plan was to use my family's standard wooden spear; a style of spear which is commonplace at the Kwoon. It is a light weapon that I can handle with speed, finesse, and agility; all traits which are essential in my personal style of spearmanship. As I was considering what I wanted my form to look like, I had several inspirations for moves that relied on these three traits; a necessity to handle my spear with one hand and be able to stop and start momentum on a dime. 

However, I am in an extremely vulnerable phase of my life where I have adult money and a not-yet-fully-developed brain. Many of my peers who are in this same state fall victim to spontaneous vacations, unsavoury habits, and copious amounts of tattoos. Me? I bought a big and heavy steel spear that was sparkly and shiny and had dragons on it. Oh well, what can you do? It’s better than gambling, as far as I’m concerned.

A habit of mine that has persisted throughout my years of the IHC is to create my personal forms before the new team begins. While part of this can be attributed to an itch to get going, I also enjoy being able to count full form numbers right from the get-go. As such, I’ve been tinkering away on my spear form for next year, and I’ve run into some obstacles.

As far as heavy weapons go, my spear is pretty light. The thing is, it’s still a heavy weapon. It is NOT something that I can wield with one hand and be able to stop and start on a dime. The speed, finesse, and agility I was anticipating have all seemed to go out the window; the form I have created seems more reminiscent of a monk spade than a spear. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty fine with this, but it does bum me out when I think of all the stuff I wanted to do.

And that’s when I had a thought; why can’t I do all the stuff I wanted to do? A few blogs ago, I talked about all the spiritual aspects of strength I have been working on, but it does not change the fact that I have also been pursuing physical strength. I want to be physically stronger as well, and I think I have been presented with a golden goose. By aiming to create a form which remains agile and quick and by performing it with a spear that is several times heavier than what would be standard, I believe I can create something that is truly me.

Eyes Closed

I was struggling in class tonight.

I’m not quite sure why, but my body just wasn’t in it. As we had just started working on lions after a few reps of Lao Gar, I noticed my face (and my nose in particular) was super tingly, which wasn’t really normal. Sihing Lindstrom said something about blood pressure and I thought hey, my watch checks my heart rate, I should check that. 

Why my heart rate was at 180, I’m not too sure. There could be many reasons. And while it’s a little high, it’s nothing awful or severe for a 22-year-old male. But after that, I started to overheat, my mouth dried, all these little things that bugged me. My senses were getting overstimulated pretty fast.

On a normal day, I think I would have been beat by that class. I would have only been able to do the lion for so long before my brain got fried, senses gave out, and I was kaputs. But, with this particular exercise, my eyes got to stay closed. I had to follow the head without watching the head. And it is the sole reason why I made it, I think.

While I realized that it was generally easier for me to follow the head using just the physical connection of my hand on my partner, it also gave me the opportunity to turn off my eyes. Once they were closed, I was able to cut out so much information and just focus on breathing and reacting and nothing else. 

I wasn’t 100%, but I managed to keep up (I think). And the only reason I was able to do that was because I LOST a sense. I think it’s a precious reminder that more doesn’t always mean more and less doesn’t always mean less.

Monthly Mini Challenge - December

Heyo everyone. As tomorrow is the first weekend of December, here is the monthly mini challenge…

22 repetitions of 22 techniques!

The idea for this one isn’t to beat yourself dead with repetitions, but to think about the techniques we use and to review them. 

For example, you can do front thrust kicks, punches, knife hands, spinning back kicks, etc. As long as you do 22 reps of 22 different things!!

If there are any questions, please let me know. Best of luck!

Five Years

I was almost done writing another blog to post today when I realized that it was December 01, and then I got motivation to write this blog instead. There is a lot of sentiment in today for me, after all.

At this time, five years ago today, I was preparing to walk into my black belt grading. When I look back at that year and I read all of the blogs I posted throughout it, I do not know if I am happy or not with how I did. More accurately, I do not remember if I should be happy or not. Ultimately, five years is a long time and my general memory happens to be rather subpar, so to be completely honest, I do not recall many details from that year. 

A trait of my anxiety always makes me ask the following: Could I have done better? If I had graded today as opposed to five years ago, would I have been able to do better? The answer is yes. A lot has changed over the last five years, and I believe I have grown as both a martial artist and as a person because of it. My motivations have changed, my desires have changed, my beliefs have changed. Overall, I am better today than I was five years ago.

 While my anxiety lends to an imposter syndrome that makes me believe I should not have earned my black belt five years ago, I have come to understand the importance of taking a deep breath and reflecting on the bigger picture. I am better today than I was five years ago. That's exactly the point!! This does not necessarily mean I was not ready to earn my black belt five years ago. The black belt does not mark the end of improvement, nor the end of mastery. As such, I believe I am unnecessarily burdening myself with the stress of trying to maintain the level of “black belt”. In actuality, I just need to keep doing what I have been doing, keep focusing on how I can become better, and let my progress represent itself. Our belts may act as progress posts, but it is our own actions and development that truly define the progress we make, I suppose. 

My goal five years ago was to become a black belt. My goal today is to become better. I believe that, in and of itself, reflects some of the progress I have been able to make. 

All in all, while these may seem like pretty straight-forward concepts, I think it is good to still reflect on them. Steps to mastery and all that, yknow? 

The Voracious Pursuit of Strength

I am a simple person. Many of my wishes and desires can be routed back to a singular ideal. I want to be stronger. I desire strength, but in reality, what is strength? What does it actually mean to be stronger? Is strength a shallow concept that simply defines the physical amount of push-ups and sit-ups I can do, or is there more to it? As I voraciously pursue strength, I have begun to recognize some of the factors behind what I truly define it as.

Strength is getting out of bed on the mornings you do not want to wake up.

Strength is doing five more push-ups when you think you cannot do any more.

Strength is doing five push-ups on the days where you would rather do anything else.

Strength is allowing your body and mind to rest on the days they need to rest. 

Strength is waving back to your neighbour on the days you wish you could hide away.

Strength is acknowledging your own mistakes and taking responsibility for them.

Strength is understanding your mistakes and learning from them. 

Strength is smiling for those who need to see a smile.

Strength is being patient enough to take the time to understand the hardships of others.

Strength is removing the resentment towards those on their own journey.

Strength is standing back up after falling down.

Strength is accepting that there are days where you will not be able to stand back up on your own.

Strength is accepting that you cannot climb every hill on your own.

Strength is taking three deep breaths and asking yourself “Where am I? What am I doing?”.

Strength is being better today than you were yesterday. 

Strength is having the courage to pursue Mastery.

As I pursue the many factors of strength, what is my goal? I may use the idea of strength as a motivation to pursue me along my many aspirations, but what is the actual goal of the strength I pursue? I don’t believe it can be put to words in a manner that is 100% accurate, but I believe Peter Cullen summarized it the best. 

 “Be strong enough to be gentle”

Mediocrity Amidst

The IHC serves as a path to attaining Mastery not just in our martial arts, but in our day to day lives. We talk about it frequently; taking the habits we build and the lifestyle we create around the IHC and applying it to other aspects of our lives. In fact, I think many of our personal goals end up reflecting this. With that said, I have been very mindful of my pursuit of Mastery in my schoolwork this last year. Or at the very least, working to remove mediocrity. Now, I am struggling.

To start, I do not have a good record as a student. In highschool, I was defined as a “nightmare student”. Smart enough (and lazy enough) to just get by without having to put in any effort. One of my grade 12 teachers actually made a bet with one of my grade 11 teachers that I wouldn’t graduate, fun fact (jokes on him, I had effectively graduated at the age of 16 and before he had even made the bet, but that's beside the point). Long story short, even I recognized this would have to turn around in college.

And overall, I have done well. Made the Dean's List, got some scholarships, yada yada yada. I have been working on purging the mediocrity out of my academic life, and I have been doing well. Which brings me to the present day; I am less than a month away from finishing my bachelors in applied science, and mediocrity is everywhere.

There are two big factors that are working hand-in-hand to contribute to this, I believe. The first is that I am doing well (ironic, huh?). Right now, my current grades are all in the low-mid 90s. Because of this, I have assignments still due in about half of my classes that I could simply not submit and I would still pass with grades above the average. On that same note, I have a few classes where the majority of the grade is still to be determined. My natural instinct is to abandon the classes I have already effectively passed and focus on those which I can still fail and, although I think many of us agree is a logical decision, it is inciting me to drop the ball. 

The second factor is that I am simply done with it. I have been enrolled and partaking in academics since September 2022, which is nearly 15 months of straight school. I have written approximately 85k words since the spring in academic material (for reference, that is the length of the first Harry Potter novel) and I have at least another 30k to go in less than a month. I am sick of it. Some people can do it, sure. But not me. There's always a weight on my shoulders, always something stressing me out. As such, my motivation is completely extinguished. “But Simon, you’re almost there, just keep pushing, one more final sprint!”. I know, I know. The only problem is, I used my final sprint back in September and now I am just flat out exhausted. Good thing I didn’t choose to become a doctor, huh?

Fortunately, my work offers me lots of opportunities to work on my papers. This means I can still attend Kung Fu every night without the guilt that I should be doing more. And to be honest, Kung Fu is currently the only thing keeping me going and refreshed, so I do not believe it wise to cut out my mat time. 

At this time, I do not have a plan to immediately combat this mediocrity. Or rather, my current plan is to not combat it. I recognize this is a defeatist attitude, but I do not believe I have the time, energy, nor motivation to effectively revamp my routine. As such, I am allocating and focusing my energy on simply getting through, rather than spending it trying to find ways to improve that could end up leaving me energy-less and ultimately unable to get by at all. 

I do have a plan to ultimately combat this mediocrity, however. I call it the “regroup and recuperate” method; once I have gotten through this, instead of just rejoicing in the fact that I have gotten through it and never giving it a second thought, I will take the opportunity to reflect and refocus myself. From here, I believe I can most effectively locate the weak spots in how I conducted myself and generate a plan to work around these weak zones in the future. It may not be a direct path to Mastery, but I believe it is the best path I can afford to take.

Lyrics and Faith

A quick fun fact about me to start the blog; of all the video game platforms that exists, Nintendo is the nearest and dearest to my heart. I am a big fan of many Nintendo-affiliated franchises, including the Fire Emblem franchise. Several of the newer Fire Emblem games include proper Main Themes, complete with lyrics and a ballad-like melody which complements the games’ atmosphere remarkably well. These include Heritors of Arcadia (Fire Emblem: Shadows of Valencia), The Edge of Dawn (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), and Lost in Thoughts All Alone (Fire Emblem: Fates).

Each of these three songs are very dear to me and remain consistently on my playlist for many reasons. I am not someone who generally connects to music, and I typically listen to songs without lyrics for this reason. As comical as it may be, the lyrics of these pieces are ones in which I do relate to, and it serves many purposes. A reminder that everything will be okay, a reminder that the world is not my enemy, and a reminder that, no matter how isolated I may feel, I am not alone. As someone who constantly feels “lost in thoughts all alone”, this last point is remarkably important. 

I figured I would use this post as an opportunity to record three of my favourite and most meaningful verses from each of these pieces. They have benefited me greatly over the years and I hope that, by sharing them, at least one person might be able to take away a little something.

Heritors of Arcadia

“Seek what lies beyond this dark age”

“Times warm embrace begins to heal all”

“I am the Earth, I will make you strong”

Edge of Dawn

“As joy surrounds, comfort abounds”

“Don’t ever take back your kind hand”

“Never give in to the call of yesterday” (I plan to get this one tattoo’d, actually)

Lost in Thoughts All Alone

“Embrace the brand new day”

“Life is not just filled with happiness, nor sorrow. Even the thorn in your heart, in time it may become a rose”.

“The rain falls, but can’t wash away the mud.”

There is no such thing as unshakeable willpower. Everyone will have days in which they struggle, days in which everything seems to go sideways. Mastery is not something that can be attained through determination alone; it is important to rely on what brings you solace when you feel backed into a corner. For me, solace just happens to be a couple of songs from a video game series. Kinda corny, isn’t it? 

False Responsibility

 Do you ever encounter a situation where, despite matters being completely out of your control, you feel burdened with a sense of guilt and responsibility over the events that had occurred? Even though you were completely removed or detached, you have the feeling that if you had done something different in your life, everything would have worked out for the better?

For the last ten or so years, I have encountered multiple situations of similar nature in which certain events line up in such a way that leave me feeling remarkably responsible for what had occurred. When I take a step back and observe these events with a level head, I can recognize that it is not physically possible in any shape or form for me to actually be responsible. But despite that, there is a shadow in the back of my heart that cannot see rational reason and as a result, guilt ensues.

The toughest part is that, by nature of these incidents, there is absolutely 100% nothing I can do to prevent them. And as my mental health is part of what makes me feel responsible, it feels like there is nothing I can do to sever the connection I feel between myself and these occurrences. 

So, how do I attain mastery and betterment over something I have absolutely nothing to do with? Frankly, I haven't got a clue. I believe the approach is to reach a point where I can accept that I am not responsible, yet this is something I have been struggling with for a very long time to no avail. For better or for worse, the only plan I can think of is the one I always fall back on; I need to become stronger. I just... haven't figured out how I am going to do that yet. 

What Is My Motivation?

Over the last month or so, I noticed that I have been increasing the amount of physical activity I have been doing. My push-ups have increased, I have increased my forms and cardio, and I have begun implementing horse stance exercises into my day. As I began doing this, my only reason to myself is that it had to be done, which is why I thought nothing of it. However, as I stopped and actually thought about it the other day, it occurred to me. Why am I doing this? The simple answer I came up with is lion dancing.

Being the egoist I am, I had automatically assumed that my lion dance motivation was self sufficient. That I was doing it so that I can be better. So that I can be the best lion dancer I can be. But something about this did not feel right. It was a reason, sure. But it was not thee reason. Somehow, self sufficiency did not feel like the beating heart of my motivation. I think this was a weird realization; I believe I am someone who cares about others and likes to help out wherever I can, yet despite this I always feel selfish about it. I think I always have some type of selfish intent at the core and that it is within my wicked nature as a human. So why does this feel different?

It is because my motivation is not to be the best tail I can be, but to allow my partner to be the best head that they can be. With all of my stubbornness and egoism, I refuse to be the tail that holds back my partner's potential. I recognize this about myself; I need to be stronger, I need more stamina, I need better technique, and I need to be better. 

In the past, I have had approximately three other lion partners. The first two people I partnered with, I did not know them fundamentally well. On the mats, I could work with them and laugh with them and understand them, but outside of the martial artist connection, we did not have much personal connection. My third partner was my brother. While my bond with my brother is arguably the closest I have, we did not have much opportunity to practice or work together. While it is possible that Nate and I could have had potential, we were cut short by covid and then me leaving for school. We had the personal connection but lacked the ability to develop the martial artist connection.

As for my current partner, I believe this is the first time in which I have both of these connections well formed. Without getting too personal about it, my partner is someone I can trust, I can count on, and I wholeheartedly believe in both on and off the mats. As such, I refuse to be the factor which might hold her back. And yet, if I simply elected to allow someone else to take on the role, would that not be the same as giving up? I recognize that in the long run, I may not be the perfect partner and I may need to be replaced. In fact, my anxiety tells me that this is a very likely outcome. But if I do not do everything within my ability to try and reach that level in which I can be relied on, it is the same as choosing to give up. As such, I must become better.

Of course, I recognize this as a fine line. If I push myself too hard, one of two things will happen. I will either lack the energy needed at the end of the day to properly practice my lion dancing or I will injure myself. Either way, it results in me letting my partner down. And as I previously mentioned, I refuse to do that.

Ultimately, my motivation may still be on the selfish side. But at the end of the day, I believe that this motivation is what will push me the farthest, so here’s to riding it. 

Personal Goals

Something that I have experienced a lot in the past is difficulty formulating and achieving my personal goals. In fact, I also have a poor track record for keeping a proper understanding of my goal. This is something I believe we touched on pretty good at the last meeting and several individuals offered good insights towards, and I thought I would form my own thoughts regarding it. 

The biggest thing when making personal goals is something that has been said multiple times; the goal needs to be a goal, but it needs a plan and a foundation. The goal should not be doing 50,000 kicks in a year- the goal should be something along the lines of "to improve my kicks to better my Kung Fu". On that same note, you add the 50,000 requirement to the goal so that you can properly measure it out and have a bar you can strive for.

In the past, I have had difficulty in focusing on the goal itself and not the plan. An example of this was a personal goal I had set several years ago; I was going to do a 36h fast, to better my own personal understanding of those in the world who have to worry about when their next meal would be. This was a busy year for me and at one point, after doing nothing but work and Kung Fu and school for several days, I was going and going and going before nearly passing out. When I managed to re-center myself, I realized that I was really, really hungry. Upon reflection, it occurred to me I had not eaten anything for nearly 40 hours. This is very clearly not a good thing, but at the time? I thought "hey, that's a personal goal checked off".

There are two things I want to note here. The first is that I was treating the goal as a check list; I was just trying to mark it off. The other is that I never completed the goal; I simply completed the numerical value assigned to the goal. This is not good. This defeats the whole point. 

I believe I had largely moved past this and I am quite content with my goals for next year, but in the event that I start to lost sight of it again in the future, this is why this blog exists. 

Monthly Mini Challenge - November

Heyo everyone!

Here is the formal issuing of November’s MMC, along with the randomized partner pairs. Once again, here are the rules;

You and your partner will have 24 hours to do as many punches as you can between the two of you. Keep in mind; you do not need to be together for this. You just need to communicate by text. The goal is to do as many as you can in 24 hours; as such, if you start at 12:00PM on Saturday, you would have until 12:00PM the following Sunday. Work out a timeframe which best works for the two of you.

Whether you and your partner collectively agree to share your numbers with the rest of the team or not, I still want them sent to me as a form of accountability (I believe it goes without saying, but I will not be sharing any numbers shared with me privately).

If there are any further questions, please let me know. Without further ado.. your pairings!

Team One

Sidai Shira Csillag

Sihing Kayley Burke

Team Two

Toudai Michelle Ward

Toudai Jordan Carreau

Team Three

Sihing Kobe Csillag

Toudai Laura Vogt

Team Four

Toudai Aviva Csillag

Toudai Malinda Ferris

Team Five

Toudai Nigel Bauer

Sihing Simon Kohut

Team Six

Toudai Kat Thelwall

Sihing Deb Bjorkquist

Team Seven

Sidai Kody Bjorkquist

Sihing Jackie Kohut

Team Eight

Toudai Mike Kohut

Sihing Don Bjorkquist

Best of luck!!

Blood and Kindness

After over half a year since my last plasma donation, I finally had the opportunity to donate blood again tonight! Between the plasma incident that occurred earlier this year that resulted in me accidentally losing a sizable portion of blood and my tenure in middle-of-nowhere Saskatchewan that began right as I was able to donate again, it has been quite some time since my last donation. To be honest, as my last ten-ish donations have all been plasma, it has actually been a little over a year since my last whole blood donation. 

When I stop to think about the actual donation process, I believe some may consider it an act of kindness; you are going out of your way to do something which is beneficial to another human being with no guarantee or desire of recompense. It made me reflect on my motivations behind donation and whether or not mindsets can affect the legitimacy of an act of kindness. 

To start with, I have no physical deterrence from donation. I am consistently eligible, I have no physical or psychological  issues with needles or blood, I have O- blood (I like to brag about that), so on and so forth. I believe these factors contribute to a person's desire NOT to donate, however. Being eligible to donate or being unphased by needles is not something which drives a person towards donation, but it can definitely drive them away from it. As such, I believe these “neutral values” simply contribute to making it easier to attend.

As for my actual motivation to attend, the easy answer I state is that I do it for my mother. I strongly believe in paying things forward and as she is unable to pay forward the generosity of the many donations she's received herself, it is my responsibility as her son to do so in her stead. On a more personal level, those donations she received are the reason she is here today in the capacity she is. I have the mother I have because of those donations. If my donations can allow another child and parent the opportunity to experience that, how can I turn my back?

Another factor I believe in is, as Spider-Man would say, with great power comes great responsibility. I have the ability to donate and I do not lose anything. It is within my power. And as such, is it not my responsibility? The third point in the Black Belt Code of Ethics states that one shall “undertake and accept responsibility only for tasks in which they are qualified for and in which they believe”. I believe in the tasks of sustaining life where it is needed yet I am not qualified to save lives as a doctor or a medic could. However, if I can provide the material necessary for these experts to perform their responsibilities, that is a responsibility which I can and should undertake. 

Ultimately, however, I also strongly believe in karma (which sort of falls under the same category as my belief in paying it forward). As mentioned a few blogs ago, I am a person who is afraid of progress, afraid of the future, and afraid of what I do not know. As such, I fear that the struggles my mother has undergone will one day become my own. I fear that I may be struck with illness or disease, as illness and disease are such ruthless and defining characteristics of all living things. I fear that, when the day comes when I am subject to all of these fears, I will be left in a state where I am unable to live on my own terms.

That, I think, is my biggest fear in life. To not be able to live on my own terms.

When I donate, I donate for all the reasons above. But the last I mentioned, which I recognize as selfish and somewhat paranoid, feels like the little beating heart at the core of it all. I need to build my karma. I need to do it for me. I need to make sure I am okay. Do not get me wrong, every reason stated is still dearly important to me. It is why I contributed to organizing the blood drive, and why I will do so again in the future. But I cannot help but feel that everything is built on selfish grounds.

With all of that said and my heart on my sleeve, do my donations count as an act of kindness? Ultimately, I personally do not believe so. I believe blood donation is not something I willingly choose to do, yet is something that my personal beliefs require me to do. All of my reasons- the selfless, the selfish, the caring, the self-sufficient, the seemingly nonsensical, they all lead me to believe that my actions are done not out of kindness for others nor for the sake of myself, but it is something that simply needs to be done. 

I could keep going on about whether or not the mindset of “something needing to be done” automatically negates the qualification of an act of kindness, but this blog has already run longer than I wanted (sorry guys).

If you made it this far, cheers!

PREP - Monthly Mini Challenge - November

Hey team,

For next months MMC, I have decided to do a group event again, as that seems to garner the most engagement. This months challenge will be…

A Partner Punch-a-thon!!

For this challenge, I will randomize a list for everyone partaking and partner people up completely accordingly (which as mentioned, will be completely random). It will then be up to you and your partner to find a day that works the best for the two of you. The challenge itself will be to achieve as many punches as possible between the two of you in a 24 hour timeframe. Ideally, the sooner you can accomplish this, the better.

Given the “do as much as you can” format of this challenge, I believe it is worth mentioning that this is not designed to be competitive, although if competition is what spurs you forward, go ahead. As such, if you and your partner do not wish to be competitive and decide not to share your final numbers with the team, you do not need to do so. However, I will ask that you send them to me as a way of keeping yourselves accountable. For those who want to have a little fun and friendly competition, you may share your numbers with the team all the same.

Similar to last time, everyone will have until Friday, November 3rd, to interact with this post as a way of entering yourself into the challenge. I strongly encourage everyone to partake as a way to work with someone potentially new, and to have some fun in a day.

I will formally issue the challenge, along with the partner pairs, sometime Friday evening. If there are any questions until then, please feel free to reach out. 

Board Breaking: An Analysis of Simon, By Simon

Break-a-thon. Breaking boards. Pretty cool.

For me, it is pretty cool. I like breaking boards. I remember when I was dreading them in my grading year, but right now? They’re so much fun. I believe I have a blend of technique, power, confidence, and youthful springy-ness to get through boards with a variety of techniques (maybe a little foolishness, too). In fact, of the 13 breaks I did, I only messed up two. 

The first technique mess-up I managed to do again on my first re-attempt (albeit with a rebreakable board) a little while later. I came up with a plan, I tried the plan, and it worked. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. The second was a double inside-outside hammer fist (both strikes going in opposite directions at the same time) I messed up while attempting it for a second time. The first time I did it, I nailed it. It was awesome. Then my mom wanted a video and there was all this pressure and I messed up the second one. Oh well. It was still cool.

How have I managed to move from apprehension and anxiety about board breaking towards sheer enjoyment? The short answer would probably be “I grew up”. Not really a great answer, but it does summarize it. As I’ve grown up, several things have changed.

The first is confidence. I’ve broken boards in the past. Lots of boards. Do I know exactly what it feels like? Not really, since I kinda just whabam-shapow-kabloom it once I think everything is where it should be, and I don’t think I register the exact feeling of going through a board. I realize that’s probably not very helpful, but that’s exactly what happens. On this same note, something I have been working on is to not trial run my break combo more than three times. I set up the boards where I want them, run through it once or twice to make sure my heights are roughly where I need them to be, and then I just go. I tried this approach a few times tonight, and I think it worked very well.

Another aspect is my intent. I have reached a point where I believe I have great control over my intent. My VKR (Visualization to Kinetic Reprsentation) is an axe going through a tree. I become the axe, and the tree falls. Mroom, pow, whachaw. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

The last thing I believe worth mentioning is my mindset. Keep in mind, this is different from intent. My mindset during breaks (my breaks, at the very least) is not strict or serious. It’s fun. I’m having SO much fun.

 Don’t get me wrong, I am not discarding the learning opportunity’s over having fun. I believe I need to focus on using less brute force and more technique, although this is something I think I am working toward on as a whole in my martial arts. Overall, I believe my fun-having, stress free mindset enables me to absorb more criticism and operate smoother.

Great work to everyone who broke over the last few days, lots of learning opportunities!

When The Leaves Blow With Reason

I can confidently say, I am not a fan of Autumn. It’s funny, because I enjoy winter and Autumn is the first step. Ultimately, it’s because I’m not a fan of “spooky season”. I don’t like it being darker for longer, I don’t like the Halloween decorations, I don’t like the chill in the wind, and I don’t like the sound the crispy leaves make as they blow against the ground. 

It tends to put me on edge. It seems like the world brings in dark and spooky things without a good reason. I don’t enjoy it. Not one bit, not at all. However, I have slowly stopped believing in things happening for “good reason”, because that implies things happen for “bad reason”, which is not something I need to have in my head. Instead, things simply happen for a reason. 

So, under that logic, the world is scary for a simply neutral reason. I don’t think it’s my role to know what that reason is. For all I care, it could be that I would be too powerful otherwise (mwehehe). So when the leaves blow and scratch the ground and make my skin crawl and my heart rate quicken, it also comes with reason. 

We develop and grow as humans, as a process of enduring the “reason” in which events occur. As such, everything does happen for a reason. That reason might simply be so that you can be better tomorrow than today. I think there’s merit in this; it can be applied to handling injuries, mental slumps, frustration, etc. 

All in all, it’s a fancy way to say “if it’s not okay, it’s not over”. But I think I needed to tell myself that tonight and what better way to organize thoughts than with a blog.

My I Ho Chuan

Hey folks, this is kind of a really long one, so I’m sorry. But I think it’s pretty good, so I’m hoping it is still manageable.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I have been on the IHC team for many years. In fact, I have been on the team for approximately 1/3 of my lifetime. During those years, I definitely had some requirements I believe I was strong at, but there are some that I have always struggled with. Numbers, for one.

The six years (outside of this year) that I was on the team for were done consecutively through the ages of roughly 13-19. In that time, I had a lot of opportunity to grow and mature, but some things didn’t really become easier. It wasn’t so much the numbers I struggled with, but the recording of them that was my Achilles heel.

I was (and truthfully, maybe still am) someone who is extremely insecure about progress. In fact, I am just someone who is very insecure in general. I have come a long ways since and there are many things about myself that I have grown to be comfortable with, but there are still many things I am afraid of. 

When I speak of being afraid of progress, I am afraid I cannot do it. I have a very, VERY easy time losing track of the “where am I, what am I doing” mindset and focusing on the big picture and how much bigger than me it is. As much as I like to flaunt and talk about how great I am, I do not see myself that way. I see a small, frightened human, who is insignificant in the face of time and progress. So when I missed a day of recording or my numbers fell behind and it showed on paper, it was able to flawlessly destroy my motivation. Not just to record, but to do numbers altogether.

This is something that caused me to take a break from the IHC for two years, as I was dealing with the overwhelming guilt that I was unable to keep up to the Mastery I had signed up for. That I was unable to keep myself accountable. 

Over those two years, I believe I matured a lot. I went through a lot of maturing opportunities, after all. I felt refreshed and prepared to join the IHC again. However, I knew if I just came into the year and hoped a little bit of maturity would fix my problems, I would end up in the same slump in no time. So I made some plans.

The first was my intent. All of my IHC years have “themes”, if you would. This years theme is Intent, in all forms. While I have blogged about and discussed some of the manifestations of my personal intent, my intent for the entire year has been one thing; to reach a point where, during the start of next years IHC, I will be ready to grade for my second degree, at any point throughout the year. I decided that striving for my second degree this year would not be beneficial to me. Instead, I would aim for the level of a second degree and use what I built to create a foundation for next year, a foundation in which I was consistently ready. 

Once I established this intent, I created a plan to help me get around one my most deadly poisons; my numbers. The issue in the past has been this; seeing my numbers had taken a drastic toll on my mental well-being and overall broke my weak willpower, which affected my ability to do numbers at all. At the beginning of  this year, I made a decision.

I will not be recording a single number down.

But do not get me wrong; I AM STILL DOING MY NUMBERS.

My plan is to develop my numbers routine first, without the pressure of recording them. And I am proud to say that my numbers are better than they have ever been. There are days I missed and days I have done extra, so I do not know where I am at, but I know I am comfortable with it. To keep myself accountable, I made the following system.

For push up’s and sit up’s, I would aim for roughly 170-200 a day. I missed them on some days, for sure. On those days I missed, it would have ruined my routine had I been physically recording (historically proven, after all). But I kept doing them. 

For Acts of Kindess, before I go to bed every night, I think of what I have done throughout the day. I have not written any of them down, but I am conscious of them. I am still doing them.

For my kilometres, I used the fitness app on my phone and eventually a Fitbit to keep track of my movement, aiming for approximately 5-7km a day. If I was low by the end of the day, I would take a walk or do other cardio excercises. With some of my respiratory struggles, there are days where it sucks, and days I do not do a lot. But it gets done.

My numbers are here. They exist. They have become a core part of my day. My plan is working. So what is the next step?

I have begun to setup an online system so that when I begin recording my numbers again, I will be able to do it easy and quickly. More importantly, I will only be checking the spreadsheet when I need to share my numbers. My aim is to continue developing a mindset in which the numbers do not matter to me, and I believe I am already well on my way.

This is not a method I encourage people to view and believe that they can do it themselves just because it is working for me. I have spoken with Sifu Brinker and explained all of this to him (which is why I am writing this blog), 

and clarified that I will be recording again come the new IHC year. But for the time being, I am playing the long game and believe this personal plan is one that will help me grow.

Ultimately, maturity is another topic I am insecure about. I like to believe I have matured a lot over the last several years (and I genuinely believe I have), but I still struggle to think I have genuinely been growing up. Do I wish I was more quiet, more modest, more serious, more sincere, less goofy, less obnoxious, less arrogant, less prideful? Yeah, sometimes I do. But I do not think Mastery is something I can gain by changing who I fundamentally am. So why fight it? After all, I think the world could use a little bit more silly.

With all of this said (and with my own discussion with Sifu Brinker), I will not be posting my numbers at the ends of my blogs during this IHC year, as I will be sticking to my plan. The plan is working, after all. Next year, though? Oh man. Next year is going to be even more awesome. Because you know what? I am having SO much fun.