The Usual Review

Now that the Rooster is out and the Dog is in, I think the time is appropriate to look back on my Rooster year.

Every year should be our best year, just as how every day we go to sleep better then when we woke. I didnt quite see this in every aspect of this year. I found that my numbers lacked, my blogging routine was abysmal, and commitment wavered. Yet my Kung Fu still received improvement. It came to my attention that my year, whilst nowhere near what I wanted it, wasnt bad. But it was in comparison to my Monkey year that made me frown upon it. And with that said, I realized how good of a year the Monkey was.

I went into the Monkey year with several problems with my emotional state, and I was very unstable throughout the year. Several times I had to leave the mats and sit in the changeroom and try to control my breathing, and myself. However, throughout the year I fought against these issues, and by the end of the year, I was more or less in control of my own mind again. After that hugely successful year, it was difficult to come into the Rooster. What I had been working to overcome the last year and a half was beneath me, and I had that sense of loss. Not the kind of loss as one feels when they lose a loved one or prized belonging, no. But a loss of the path, of direction, of clarity.

I didnt know what to do going in to the year, because I didnt feel as though I were fighting for something anymore. My Kung Fu felt almost... unnecessary. I struggled with this concept. Kung Fu was necessary, it was the way of life I had adopted, so why did it feel like I didnt need it?

Because I had given it a purpose. I used the Kwoon and the forms and the people as a method to cope with one of the biggest impacts I had on my life, and with the support I received, I took that impact down. But without that purpose, what was I to do? I needed a new purpose to apply my Kung Fu to. So for a few months, I tried, to no prevail, to find something else I could dedicate my training and practice towards, and yet as much as I looked, I found nothing. And then, while we were on the other side of Canada on our family adventure, I found it.

But I hadnt had found it for the first time. I rediscovered it. Throughout this trip, being in the same vehicle with 6 others takes it toll, and frequently I would walk off on my own. It was on one of these walks, I was giving thought to the matter, when I realized it was under my nose the whole time. Kung Fu didnt need a constant challenge to overcome, a new obstacle to face when the next was in the past. Kung Fu's purpose was to improve you, and no one else. It was to make you a better person every single second of every day, and to give you a life of improvement. And I didnt have to give up on my old challenge. My state of mind, I realized, will deteriorate to what it was if I don't continue to build it and defend it.

It was rather late in the year that I started putting this new thought process in the form of my Kung Fu, but its in motion now. Now its there for this year, the Dog year, and thats why my Rooster year was indeed my best year. The Monkey was my best year when it happened, but now, the Rooster is my best year. And in 365 days, the Dog will be my best year.

Dungeons and Dragons: A Lego Story

Hello fellow IHC members. This weeks blog (spoiler alert) is about how unpredictable life can be.

I spent this Friday evening at the Ward household with a few others. Logan had decided to set up a lego based Dungeons and Dragons, and I must say, it was rather entertaining. However, it also taught me that anything can happen, at any point of time, from when you least expect it to when its least convenient. Sometimes its a good outcome. Sometimes its not. Either way, you gotta role with it. The game started off pretty simple. Protecting the king, getting him into the country safely, etc. Then we got hit by a giant rock that came out of nowhere. Gotta say, that threw a wrench in the plan. Next thing I know, we were tracking bandits to try and save the kings chancellor.

First lesson learned: check your surroundings. Very unfortunate for our party when our only alli and guide through the land was crushed by a trap we didnt bother looking for. Then a few bandits hopped out of nowhere, surprised us and all but we still kicked their butts. So here we are, lost in the middle of nowhere. Oops.

Second lesson learned: kindness kills, but so does aggression. Finally, we came across a small village, which actually was just a farmer, his family and a blacksmith. After *kindly* persuading them to let us stay the night, we asked them about the bandits. They didnt seem like that, but oh well. We tried again in the morning. That also didnt work. Then, one of the, for lack of better term, more aggressive members of our group decided to threaten the villagers. Bad idea. Long story short, not a lot of villagers survived that incident. Not exactly in the moral code, and it definitely wasnt our finest moment. Oops. Either way, we continued on our trek.

Lesson 3: you can actually tame giant spiders. We came across a split in the road. After a short investigation, we decided to go right first. We came across 2 rather large spiders, and an orc stuck in a tree. After a bit of teamwork, we managed to kill the first spider. As the second one approached, one of our teammates had the ridiculous idea to attempt and tame said spider. Which, after rolling a perfect 12 ( 2 sixs, what are the odds) the spider managed to get tamed. Unpredictable, but beneficial. So we cut down the orc, and somehow convinced him to fight with us. We went back to the fork in the road and went left this time

Lesson 4: dont poke the werewolf. We approach this rather large tree, and boom. Theres a werewolf. Ill save you all the finer details, but let me say. That werewolf was very good at fighting. He beat us all up pretty good, even took a bite out of one of our guys. But the giant spider definitely helped. Turns out werewolves dislike spiders. After a while, we managed to best the werewolf creature, and continue on our way. So we went back to the cross roads, and went straight

Lesson 5: swords are sharp. (As are spears. And axes.) We finally found the bandits lair. We managed to put our heads together and come up with a brilliant stealth attack, which involved climbing towers, throwing dwarves and goats, and charging a spider into a gate. We went through the castle rather efficiently, it being nighttime. We retrieved the chancellor and finally got to the end, where a bunch of armoured dudes attacked us. And let me say. It was very difficult. They carried very sharp weapons, and we received quite a beating. But, like in every good movie (or game), we eventually won. So, it was time to get the chancellor back to the castle.

Lesson 6: don't hoard things. So remember back in lesson 4 when I mentioned how our teammate got bit by a werewolf? Yea, it would have been best to pay attention to that. On our ride back, he turned into a werewolf. And bam. A high-speed horse werewolf vs 4 other warriors fight broke out. Little did I know, back in lesson 4, I found a rather shiny, fancy looking stone that I decided to keep. Turns out this was the werewolf stone and it drastically increased the werewolves powers. Once again, not my finest move. It was a very difficult fight, with lots of jumping from horse to horse and trying to stab this crazy werewolf.

Eventually, one of our teammates rolled a perfect 12, the second in the game, and we finally beat the game, after almost 8 hours. Its still one the highlights of the week, and it goes to show. Always be ready for anything.

New Semester

Well, its been a while since my last blog, so its probably a bit rusty, but here goes

At the meeting on Saturday, a constant theme that came up throughout the hour was "starting / starting over" and how its easier to keep going then to stop and restart. I started thinking about ways of how I could have less "starts" in my life and more "keep goings". And then I realized that sometimes starting new is just a part of life, and the example I want to use for this is schooling. Highschooling, to be precise.

As I'm sure everyone knows, the year is divided into 2 semesters, half of your classes in the first semester, half of them in the second semester. We just started our second semester of the 2017/18 year on Thursday, and for the first few days you think "holy cow this is different". I went from Construction, Biology, Math and Phys ed to English, Social, Marine Biology and Chemistry. And its like "starting again". You think, man, I barely remember the start of last semester, how am I going to get through to the end of this one? And this looming sense of doubt starts to creep up, which for me, is very similar to the doubt I receive when I "restart" IHC requirements I've dropped the ball on. Can I do those 50k pushups? Can I truly blog every week? Its a lot to take in all at once. Just like thinking "man, can I really pull my mark up? Can I do well in this class?"

I learnt from the past these negative thoughts are usually true. I struggle with my requirements. I stuggle with my marks. But thats only because I let them be true. Because I've settled for "good enough." But getting better isnt about being "good enough". Its about being better. And once you start getting better, then youre already on your path to improvement. So I've decided that while some things, (like school) you have to start over, but as long as you keep your chin up and keep truckin on, you can keep going. And when it comes to things like blogging, you just can't let yourself stop. Thats been my problem in the past, and I'm definitely going to fix it for the future.

Lost Ground

This years IHC has been off to a pretty not-good start. My blogging has been non-existent, my numbers have been there but nowhere where I'd like them to be, and my form, while complete, still feels as though it is missing a certain pazaz and flow my other forms more or less had. I could most likely come up with thousands of excuses on why this is, like focusing more on school work and dealing with a rather large increase in emotional struggles, but I'm going to go with just lacking commitment. Of course, that should never be an excuse. So now would be a good time to pick up my socks and get down to business. Blogging is something that can be quite easy to do if you can make it routine. The same can be said for numbers and forms reps. Making it routine is easy as well. You just need to know how to do it. Juggling around Kung Fu, school work, personal needs and social needs isn't something I'm comfortable doing at the moment. Quoting my computer science teacher; "Balancing tasks and commitments is like juggling. One is easy. Two is more difficult, but completely manageable. Three takes practice and is difficult, but can be done with time and patience. 4 is very difficult, and requires a lot of practice and time and effort. Juggling can only be done through dropping the ball hundreds of times through practice. But it's not about dropping the ball. It's about picking it up again afterwards." I'm by no means good at juggling (yet), and I'm by no means good at balancing commitments. I keep dropping the ball in kung fu. But I guess it's well overdue that I start picking it up again.

Unstable

So, for a long while now, I've been at a state of mental instability. I can be doing anything, feeling on top of the world, and then it hits you like bullet. Out of nowhere, your stopped in your tracks. Your body is flooded with this feeling, one of despair and gloom. I try to escape from where ever I am when I feel this. I try to breathe. I shake it off. Then I jump back into whatever I was doing. And then it comes back, more crippling than the time before. I can't get past this feeling. It sits. Your body feels like lead. It's hard to move. And your brain is dumping negative thoughts everywhere. This process is what happened at class. At first, I got rough, so I went outside and tried to zone in. I came back In, but it wasn't the same. I stood at the back of the class. I felt like a fool. I just sat there flipping my kamas, trying to look like I knew what I was doing. Then the 2nd wave hit. I told mom, and I decided to try and get through the Dragon. But I couldn't put any emotion or energy into it. I could barely speak. When Sifu Lagner pointed something out for me to work on, I struggled getting the words out of my mouth to respond. When we finished with the Dragon, I was emotionally and mentally drained, I felt lost and didn't know what I was doing. I couldnt register things in my mind. The whole fist bump thing flew past me. I could just sit there with my fist out. Then I got in the change room. Everything went downhill. I was struggling to not burst in random tears. I packed everything as fast as I could and got outside with my head down. Then I got outside and realized: The van was locked. The keys were inside. And I was in no condition to head back in. I ended up collapsing onto the sidewalk. Then I lost it. I couldn't move much but hide my head in between my knees. I couldnt control my breathing. I could only sob. I was a mess. A wreck. (Thank you Sifu Vanderham for sitting there and helping). I really can't describe the feeling when any of this happens, but it's killing me. I just want it to go away. I want to be able to be happy again. That's the problem. I don't get happy often. So I've started learning to cherish the times I do. Like the potato bake. Or when someone makes me smile. It's those times that help me get through the day.  

That time of year

I was really quite excited for the pandamonium this year, as I had to miss last years, due to being out of town. I wasn't disappointed with the day. It was full of fun, excitement, activities, Kung Fu and awesomeness. Whether it was trying to occupy small children, doing forms on the mats, getting "kicked" into the dunk tank or running 10k at 10:00pm, I felt there was always something to do. I didn't get involved as much with the charities as I could have this year, and I'm am disappointed with myself for that. I feel I could have got connected more, and plan on getting more into the charities in the upcoming years. I'd also like to thank everyone who helped wake me up by hitting the target on the dunk tank. It was fairly refreshing and a good experience. Despite losing circulation in my fingers for half an hour. And nearly getting killed by anticipation. But other than that it was fun.

Trying to post again

Recently, I stopped posting. One Sunday I merely thought "Meh, I'll get to to it tomorrow." And that attitude carried of for a couple months. I've had plenty of great blogging opportunities I missed, and I'm working on getting back into it. I really want to be better at blogging than last year. That shouldn't have to be a goal though. Getting better than the person you were yesterday, or last week, or last month, or whenever, should be a daily habit. Whether you get better at Kung Fu or just a kinder person in general, the person who goes to bed better than the one who got out of it, they made use of their day. They changed their life for the better. I want to be that person.