Degrees of Separation

Something I have been experiencing lately is something of an "isolation". While it may simply be an ego-based mindset trying to take in all I can and inevitably hitting a wall with some things, I feel like it runs a little deeper than that. I recognize that my insecurities are mostly routed in narcissism and ego, and working on this is something I have been pretty dedicated to the last month or so. I won't lie, it has lead to a pretty nasty October. I mean, not a fan of October to begin with, but this seemed excessive. Of course, progress can only be made by moving forward, so that's definitely part of my plan. Part of that is identifying the different types of isolation I am feeling, I think.

Type 1: Emotional Isolation. I think this has been a big one over the last month. I think I am prone to letting bridges fall to ruin and not being a totally great person all in all. It has left me feeling as though I have no one to talk to about really anything in life; not the good or the bad. I have been reaching out to some of my friends more frequently to try and reestablish these relations, but it is easier to let a bridge fall apart then to build it up again. I guess it just all bottles up, you know? And I am really trying to avoid that as well.

Type 2: Physical Isolation. I feel like I have been trying to do too much physically and ended up doing not enough. I feel as though I am not where I think I am, nor am I on the path I think I should be. Like I am looking up a big mountain face and picturing myself climbing near the top, while in reality I still have both feet on solid ground. It's been a bit of a tough process grasping that I am not physically where I want to be. My plan for that one is to simply work harder, at this time.

Type 3: Mental Isolation. This one is hugely ego-based, that I recognize. But I feel like I am not on the same processing level as my peers. Like, I don't follow the questions being asked or the flow of conversations sometimes because it just doesn't fit. This is something I have addressed a little bit with Sifu Brinker recently. It is important for me to see the value in how I am comprehending things, not how other people are. That the value comes in how things are translated into Simons software. That said, it still feels like there is an isolation, or a "me against the world" feeling with some of my insights. Not sure if there is much I can do about that though, than realize I'm really not THAT special.

Type 4: Martial Isolation. This is basically a combination all of the above factors. For the most part, team activities. The lion, for example. I have been focusing on MY reasons for the lion, but it feels like I am putting a wall between me and whoever is my head. Over the past month, I have been working a little bit on three different things with three different people as the head. With each of these partners, it feels as though I am disrupting the "synapse" that exists between head and tail. Even if they may not recognize it, I feel like I am messing the whole thing up. A similar thing can be said for my forms; it feels like all my knowledge and beliefs are topsy-turvy lately. 

For addressing all of this, a big thing I have been trying to work on is empathy. I fear I am not the most empathetic of individuals and this needs to be fixed. I am aiming to be the person who can be relied on, I suppose? In all manners. And I feel as though empathy is the simple fix to each of these types of isolation. The thing is, how do I become more empathetic? How do I listen better? What should I do?

Numbers

Pushups (last 7 days)

60-40-60-181-80-40-120

Situps (last 7 days)

80-40-40-120-40-40-60

Forms (total last 7)

Katana: 16

Spear: 14

AoK (per last 7 days)

5-5-5-5-5-5-5