Phase Two

A few months ago, I talked about my plan to help develop my routines and push me to mastery; the focus of this plan was to focus on my numbers without recording them. As such, this is the reason why I have not been posting my numbers behind my blog postings so far. I am confident to say that phase one has been a success; I have developed routines and habits that I am confident will not be shaken by the need to record them.

Now, I am moving onto phase two. In the remaining month and a bit before the new team begins, I am going to start recording my numbers. Ultimately, my goal is to see if my plan is continuing to work, and to make any necessary adjustments before the Dragon Team begins. Iron out the details now, or so you could say.

With that, here goes.

Numbers

• Push-ups: 0
• Sit-ups: 0
• Katana: 0
• Snake: 0
• AoK: 0
• Distance (km): 0
• Sparring: 0
• Blogs: 0

The Forest: Serene and Powerful

It has been quite some time since my last Visualization to Kinetic Representation (VKR) post. When I first started initially working on my VKR series, my plan was to use blogging as a way to record my “research” and aid me in my search for the Visualization which best represents my Kung Fu. To be completely honest, I anticipated this to be a very arduous journey. I was expecting blank after blank and to be so frustrated I would want to change my perspective altogether. I guess you could say I got lucky; it did not take me long at all to figure out what I needed.

I spent four months living in a forest in the middle of nowhere this summer. I talked about it quite a bit in previous blogs; the serenity of living and training in a location that was in a very natural state. As I was doing my forms in a clearing in the woods, it had occurred to me; the forest is my visualization. One of the biggest struggles with VKR that I mentioned in my initial posting is that I could not quickly change gears between different visualizations. Another struggle is that my many visualizations did not embody the whole of me. Using the forest fixed both of these problems relatively quickly.

For issue number one, I have broken it down as follows. A forest is not a concrete or singular entity; it comprises many living organisms and habitats and is in a state of constant change. As such, I can “hone in” on different aspects of a forest to use for my different intents. Previously, when shifting from Tai Chi to Lao Gar, I would switch from a Water visualization to an Earth one, which resulted in a muddy blend. Now, I can make that same transition by shifting from the visualization of a creek bubbling in the woods (Tai Chi) to an animal dashing through the trees (Lao Gar). Two different settings, tied closely together. 

As for having a visualization that properly represents me, I think the forest also is a very appropriate fit. It is an environment in which I am very passionate about; I have chosen a career that lets me take an active role in protecting and managing it. It is also an environment I have grown up in very close proximity to (quite literally, in my backyard). As such, I like to think I can visualize it very efficiently. 

After I realized that this could be my golden goose, I applied it to my weapon form. Lo and behold, the shoe fit. Since then, I have been able to break down the moves of my forms into very specific, individual visualizations that allow me to channel my intent significantly smoother than I ever have before. Since each individual visualization is a different “snapshot” of an event which occurs within a forest, I can cycle through them with ease and coherence. While this has been easy to do with my weapon form, the next step will be to begin applying it to the rest of my forms and techniques. 

I believe this is the essence of my personalization; an aspect of my Kung Fu which is uniquely me. 

Done Like Dinner

I handed my last paper in on Friday. I got it graded on Saturday. I got the following email yesterday. I am writing this blog today. 

With that said, these last few days have been rough. A lot of mental rebound and sudden lack of stress. It has left me, well, more stressed? With the winter holidays coming up, I am looking forward to being able to relax and reset, and work on a new routine with substantially less writing. With that said, pheeeeeeeeew. I am SO done with school. 

Understanding Fear

A few weeks ago, I went through a sour gas training and safety course with work. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting too much going into it. As far as work-mandated training goes, it was just a box I was trying to get checked off the to-do list. Of course, it is in the most unlikely of places that you find some of the most valuable wisdom.

One of the first things our instructor did was ask around the room what everyone’s experience with sour gas was, and then he just started talking. One of the first things he asked was if people were scared of sour gas. Mixed response. He just shrugged it off and said something along the lines of “it’s good to be scared. It’s healthy to be scared. What’s not okay is if you let your fear shut you down. Acknowledge your fear; learn about it. Prepare for it. Challenge it. Be better than it. That’s what we’re doing today”.

Um, okay? I came here to learn how to put on an oxygen tank, not get targeted anxiety therapy from a 62 year-old grizzled oil worker named Greg. 

The thing is, I’ve known this for years. It’s a common concept. But in the face of anxiety, it can be very easy to forget. I am not an impulsive person, but I am a cautious person (shocker, I know. Let me explain). When I make a decision, I often consider as many contingencies and outcomes as possible. When I make a phone call, I rehearse it about four times before I dial. I refuse to take my keycards off my pants in fear of forgetting them. 

Ultimately, in this regard, there is something of a gap between who I am on the mats and who I am off of them. I do not rehearse my warm-ups (for the most part). I do not break down every little contingency. For better or for worse, I thrive on a “do-what-I-want” attitude. I like to think that I am relatively unbothered by performing in demos, too. I mean, I still get thrown off by things like space limitations on a stage and the timing required, but nothing compared to what it used to be. In my first IHC year, the amount of times I completed my form in an actual demo was definitely below 20%. I would panic, mess up, and swing my broadsword until I could figure out how to get my last few moves in to cue for the person following me (which was usually Sihing J Lagner. I’ll apologize to her if I ever get the chance). 

When I consider it, this is because Kung Fu has been one of the longest constants in my life. Once upon a time, it used to be a source of anxiety and fear. But over the course of many years, I have acknowledged that anxiety and fear. I have learned about it. I have prepared for it. I have challenged it. I have become better than it (most days, atleast). 

It’s unfortunate it’s not a quick process, but there’s satisfaction in knowing that time does help. 

Big Spear, Little Spear

Although I have yet to do it as an IHC weapon, the spear is a weapon in which I am very naturally inclined to. It makes a lot of sense to me and I enjoy using it to the point where I learned Sifu Brinkers spear form on my own time, many years ago. On top of that, the spear form is one that I can accurately recall after long periods of time without much difficulty, in comparison to other weapons forms. I can find a lot of inspiration with the spear and I have created several musical and creative forms (none of which have seen the light of day, for better or for worse) over the years with it. 

As such, I decided it was finally time for me to do the spear as my weapon next year. Originally, my plan was to use my family's standard wooden spear; a style of spear which is commonplace at the Kwoon. It is a light weapon that I can handle with speed, finesse, and agility; all traits which are essential in my personal style of spearmanship. As I was considering what I wanted my form to look like, I had several inspirations for moves that relied on these three traits; a necessity to handle my spear with one hand and be able to stop and start momentum on a dime. 

However, I am in an extremely vulnerable phase of my life where I have adult money and a not-yet-fully-developed brain. Many of my peers who are in this same state fall victim to spontaneous vacations, unsavoury habits, and copious amounts of tattoos. Me? I bought a big and heavy steel spear that was sparkly and shiny and had dragons on it. Oh well, what can you do? It’s better than gambling, as far as I’m concerned.

A habit of mine that has persisted throughout my years of the IHC is to create my personal forms before the new team begins. While part of this can be attributed to an itch to get going, I also enjoy being able to count full form numbers right from the get-go. As such, I’ve been tinkering away on my spear form for next year, and I’ve run into some obstacles.

As far as heavy weapons go, my spear is pretty light. The thing is, it’s still a heavy weapon. It is NOT something that I can wield with one hand and be able to stop and start on a dime. The speed, finesse, and agility I was anticipating have all seemed to go out the window; the form I have created seems more reminiscent of a monk spade than a spear. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty fine with this, but it does bum me out when I think of all the stuff I wanted to do.

And that’s when I had a thought; why can’t I do all the stuff I wanted to do? A few blogs ago, I talked about all the spiritual aspects of strength I have been working on, but it does not change the fact that I have also been pursuing physical strength. I want to be physically stronger as well, and I think I have been presented with a golden goose. By aiming to create a form which remains agile and quick and by performing it with a spear that is several times heavier than what would be standard, I believe I can create something that is truly me.

Eyes Closed

I was struggling in class tonight.

I’m not quite sure why, but my body just wasn’t in it. As we had just started working on lions after a few reps of Lao Gar, I noticed my face (and my nose in particular) was super tingly, which wasn’t really normal. Sihing Lindstrom said something about blood pressure and I thought hey, my watch checks my heart rate, I should check that. 

Why my heart rate was at 180, I’m not too sure. There could be many reasons. And while it’s a little high, it’s nothing awful or severe for a 22-year-old male. But after that, I started to overheat, my mouth dried, all these little things that bugged me. My senses were getting overstimulated pretty fast.

On a normal day, I think I would have been beat by that class. I would have only been able to do the lion for so long before my brain got fried, senses gave out, and I was kaputs. But, with this particular exercise, my eyes got to stay closed. I had to follow the head without watching the head. And it is the sole reason why I made it, I think.

While I realized that it was generally easier for me to follow the head using just the physical connection of my hand on my partner, it also gave me the opportunity to turn off my eyes. Once they were closed, I was able to cut out so much information and just focus on breathing and reacting and nothing else. 

I wasn’t 100%, but I managed to keep up (I think). And the only reason I was able to do that was because I LOST a sense. I think it’s a precious reminder that more doesn’t always mean more and less doesn’t always mean less.

Monthly Mini Challenge - December

Heyo everyone. As tomorrow is the first weekend of December, here is the monthly mini challenge…

22 repetitions of 22 techniques!

The idea for this one isn’t to beat yourself dead with repetitions, but to think about the techniques we use and to review them. 

For example, you can do front thrust kicks, punches, knife hands, spinning back kicks, etc. As long as you do 22 reps of 22 different things!!

If there are any questions, please let me know. Best of luck!

Five Years

I was almost done writing another blog to post today when I realized that it was December 01, and then I got motivation to write this blog instead. There is a lot of sentiment in today for me, after all.

At this time, five years ago today, I was preparing to walk into my black belt grading. When I look back at that year and I read all of the blogs I posted throughout it, I do not know if I am happy or not with how I did. More accurately, I do not remember if I should be happy or not. Ultimately, five years is a long time and my general memory happens to be rather subpar, so to be completely honest, I do not recall many details from that year. 

A trait of my anxiety always makes me ask the following: Could I have done better? If I had graded today as opposed to five years ago, would I have been able to do better? The answer is yes. A lot has changed over the last five years, and I believe I have grown as both a martial artist and as a person because of it. My motivations have changed, my desires have changed, my beliefs have changed. Overall, I am better today than I was five years ago.

 While my anxiety lends to an imposter syndrome that makes me believe I should not have earned my black belt five years ago, I have come to understand the importance of taking a deep breath and reflecting on the bigger picture. I am better today than I was five years ago. That's exactly the point!! This does not necessarily mean I was not ready to earn my black belt five years ago. The black belt does not mark the end of improvement, nor the end of mastery. As such, I believe I am unnecessarily burdening myself with the stress of trying to maintain the level of “black belt”. In actuality, I just need to keep doing what I have been doing, keep focusing on how I can become better, and let my progress represent itself. Our belts may act as progress posts, but it is our own actions and development that truly define the progress we make, I suppose. 

My goal five years ago was to become a black belt. My goal today is to become better. I believe that, in and of itself, reflects some of the progress I have been able to make. 

All in all, while these may seem like pretty straight-forward concepts, I think it is good to still reflect on them. Steps to mastery and all that, yknow?