On Monday I started my training for my summer job with the rest of the new seasonal officers (31 of us total). A lot of what we have been doing has been defensive tactics, something I obviously have a pretty good background in. On the first day we went over some basic theory stuff, which included the “keep your eyes on the persons chest, not their eyes or hands” tidbit. When that was taught nearly everyone hastily went to their notes and wrote it down in detail, yet I saw no need. I mean, that’s a concept I’ve been practicing longer than our instructors have been teaching it.
With that said, something I’ve been mindful of is leaving my ego at the door. The new guy who thinks he has nothing to learn from the instructors isn’t going to get far in mastery, after all. While I’ve been mindful to go in without relying previous knowledge and ready to learn, I’ve run into a lot of struggles with certain things.
We’ve done several takedown/wristlock/armbar restraint sort of actions. For better or for worse, no one in my class has any injuries, making my shoulder injury give me some leeway. As such, for these takedowns, I’ve been paired up with an instructor, giving me double the practice time. Turns out, I sorely needed it. 90% of the technique of what we have done has been similar to what we learn and practice at the Kwoon. In that regard, that bit has been like clockwork. The remaining 10%, on the other hand, has been really causing me grief. The technique they’ve been teaching us has been nearly the opposite of what we do. It’s not that it’s wrong; it’s just different. Even though I have the mindset of doing what they teach and not just trying to do what I know, a mindset doesn’t seem to affect muscle memory.
I suppose one could liken it to learning your first language as a child versus learning a second language once you are older. For most of my classmates, they are building from the ground up with nothing impacting them. This “language” they are learning is currently all that they know; it is the one true language. For me, my attempts to learn are hindered by my experience with another “language”. I automatically fall back on what I already know and that messes up my ability to use the language.
As such, I had three of the six instructors working with just me for the entire period of this specific exorcise, while everybody else got got through it once, switched partners, and got through it again, while having only the other three instructors between the thirty of them. My inability to conduct this technique properly was overwhelming and frustrating, to be frank. I am remarkably thankful for my instructors patience, because even with their support and aid I was starting to get emotional near the end. Going completely against such hardened muscle memory, as minor of actions as they were and yet in a way that made no sense to me, was so overwhelmingly difficult I genuinely wanted to cry. I could do it slow, but every single time I tried to speed up I ended up doing it how I wanted to do it, before I even realized.
Something I will be working on going forward is focusing on keeping my adrenaline and heart rate down so I can don’t get as worked up and I can think a little more clearly. I have a few more thoughts on why I think I am struggling so much, although I didn’t want this blog to be too long (whoops), so I may try and get them in a later post.
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