Mind Games

Hey guys. This weeks blog will be about coping with problems from the past.

For anyone who wasn’t at the meeting, I brought up some personal issues of mine that were a huge part of my past, and had a big part in defining who I am today. For some time, I thought everything had gone away. I was thinking straight, I wasn’t relapsing, it was going good. But lately, things have been slipping. Old problems returning worse then before, etc. It’s been harder the usual to deal with lately, and I don’t know if that’s from the stress, the anxiety, or the fact that I’ve been ignoring it, hoping that if I ignored it long enough it would go away again. Long story cut short, that did not work. At all. It’s been worse then ever. And there’s nights where I don’t know who I am anymore and it scares me. It really does.

There was once a time where I believed that I was indestructible. I know now that I am fragile. But I also have nothing to gain from fearing my own fragility. I’ve tried to embrace my difficulties, I’ve tried to fight them, I’ve tried to conform to them, but nothing seems to work. So that leaves me with the problem. How do I overcome them? I’m not quite sure. Maybe I’ll just ride it out. Maybe it’s time to go back to seeking professional help. But I’m not going to let a little bit of mind games hamper my journey. This is my own journey. And it’s gonna be a good one. It’s not His, and so I won’t let Him live it for me. I’m the master of my own mind.