Deconstruction, Reconstruction

There are a few factors of mine that define me as a martial artist. A major one is that I operate pretty solely on visualizations and “does it feel right”, as opposed to breaking a sequence down and understanding the mechanics behind it. Another is bold, brash, and maybe borderline arrogant confidence. This is probably fueled by the fact that I think that if something feels right, it must be right. Alas, not always the case. 

Recently when reviewing a chunk of Mlon Kuon, it was discovered I was entering a technique from the wrong lead. According to Sifu Rybak, trying to enter the technique from the wrong lead should typically cause a disruption in six harmonies. So why do I do it the way I do, the way that instinctively feels right, when it messes up my harmonies? Easy answer. It doesn’t. 

Apparently, before I launch into the technique, I perform a little hop shuffle adjustment thingy that aligns my weight and timing and harmonies juuuuuust right and bada boom. It’s golden. Apparently, at least. Frankly, I have no idea what I’m doing that makes it work (I’m just trying to reiterate what Sifu Rybak said, but I still haven’t really figured it out myself yet) (she also called me ingenious by the way, thought you all should know) (no take backsies). 

At some point, to compensate for an incorrect habit, I subconsciously deconstructed a move and reconstructed it with a calibration to correct it. I think there are some pretty obvious pros and cons with this, but I’ll talk about them anyway (I am a genuis after all). 

Pros are that my six harmonies are in a state where I both consciously and subconsciously try to achieve them. I am knowledgeable about my body and the way it needs to move. Heck yeah. Thumbs up. 

Cons? I do things wrong and don’t realize it, I guess. I think I need to have more confidence in this aspect, because I do things right. I know what I’m doing. I think. It know what feels right, at least. And hey, feeling right is the first step?

BTSW Time Commitment and Afterward

Over the course of BTSW, I had the opportunity to be at the Kwoon for approximately 35h total over the Monday - Thursday. I was thankful for this opportunity (and the overtime hours I had accrued at work that let me take this time off so easily), as it was my first BTSW in several years. During this time, I got to take part in lots of projects and different roles. 

I am happy with how several of the projects turned out; I am also happy with being able to say I contributed to improving the Kwoon. The student turn-out was pretty minimal this year, which is unfortunate to say the least, but I am happy that more people showed up for the potato bake. For next year, maybe Ill take the time to promote the actual clean-up week a little better? Needless to say, there was plenty of learning opportunities for me in every corner. 

I am pleased with the leadership opportunities that were provided to me during this week as well. Taking the opportunities to develop my leadership abilities is something that is very important to me; it is one of my greatest sources of imposter syndrome and I will always take the opportunity to hone it. I also learnt the names of most of the lions! Like, their full names. I am trying to use those names more often now too.

On a different note, it feels like I have been getting nothing but bad news and tough personal dilemmas since the conclusion of BTSW. I was considering making this into its own blog, but lets just mush it all together hm? A focus of mine is strength in every form; when faced with constant and consistent bad news, it can be very easy to succumb to the negative emotions that follow. I am trying not to let everything get me bogged down; this is easily the most difficult thing to do during the night, I admit. 

I blogged about mental health in my last blog and don't necessarily want to drain this creek dry, but it gets hard to focus on Kung Fu when everything seems to be going the way I really did not want it to go. I am going to be drastically increasing my physical training soon again, I think. I got into a mind rut where I convinced myself that the harder I pushed myself and the harder I made my heartrate go, the harder I mentally crashed afterwards. As I have been working with my doctor for sometime, I want to slowly ease myself back into actually improving my endurance and physical fitness. 

Numbers (Per Last 7 Days)

Push-Ups: 142, 142, 100, 80, 40, 100, 60

Sit-Ups: 142, 142, 100, 80, 40, 60, 60

AOK: 5 per day

KM: ~14 total

I Think I’m Tired

Something I have noticed lately is that my energy levels are lower than they were eight months ago. For a period during the fall/winter, I was blogging multiple times a week, I would leave work and get to the Kwoon at 4:15 and hammer out reps, I was on the mats every day of the week, I was thriving. 

Today, I feel as though I’ve declined away from that point. Blogging has seem to become a chore again, when I get to the Kwoon all I want to do is lay with my head in my arms until it’s time for classes to start, I only consistently attend the kids classes, and my general motivation for my forms and numbers has severely decreased. As I write, it even feels like the general quality of my blogging is just lower. I mean, to be completely honest, I’m only blogging because I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t get to do the fun stuff I have planned today until I blog.. not a great thing to have to do but here we are?

The cause? Energy, motivation, drive, willpower, mental health, the usual suspects. All seem to be in a decline at the moment. This last week, I was trying to work on doing stuff once I got to the Kwoon. More forms and more numbers instead of procrastinating. I think that, on some days, it made things better. It got me warmed up and ready to go. Other days, it seemed to make things worse. It sapped my energy faster and I hit the floor really quickly. 

I think I’m being slowly forced to understand that no perfect system exists, and a next-to-perfect system will take a long time to establish. 

Numbers (per last seven days)

Push-ups: 160, 60, 142, 120, 200, 142, 50

Sit-ups: 150, 80, 142, 40, 142, 142, 80

Walking (KM total): 10-14

AoK: 5 x7

Monthly Mini Challenge - August

 Hey team, 

One of my personal goals this year has been to conduct the monthly mini challenges. While I have fallen a little behind in that regard, I plan on trying to get it running again. So without further ago, Augusts challenge is...

Learn a piece of someone else's forms / teach a piece of your own form!

Sometime during the month of August, I want to challenge people to try and learn a small section of someone else's form. Or rather, I challenge everyone to try and teach a portion of one of their forms to someone who might not know it or might not be familiar with it. 

I do not intend for this to get in the way of regular training; aim to only teach a small chunk to whoever is willing to learn. Teaching is often one of the most effective ways to learn and the insights that can be provided through teaching may not be able to be found anywhere else. 

If there are any questions, please ask!

Where My Training Is At

As I mentioned before, something I’m working on is becoming more consistent with my training. That’s not the only thing, however, I am working towards. This blog will serve as a bit of a catch-up for my progress lately. 

Aside from my consistency, I have been working largely on instructing and my teaching. I have been trying to play a bit of a bigger role in the classes, and I’m working on developing senses of awareness, engagement, and strategies that help me connect to the students. 

A strategy I have found that works relatively well is displaying excitement over the students accomplishments. This isn’t faking excitement; it’s simply displaying it. I believe this has been a way of showing that I care, that I am in engaged in their training, and that I am invested in their developments, all while catering to who I am as a person and my natural strengths. 

Something else I have been working on is still my intent, although that has been modified compared to my goals last year. Teaching my sword form has been great for me; it has allowed me to take the intent that was existing in my mind and verbalize it, as well as making sure I physically embody it. I believe I have gained a far better understanding of my sword form because of it and I am extremely grateful for that. 

With that said, if anyone wants to teach a section of their personal form to someone to see if it helps with their understanding for it, please reach out. I’m more than willing to learn. 

70% Simon

Do you ever have so many blog ideas, but they never see the light of day? And you just don’t blog? And everything seems to be just blegh? That’s kinda where I’m at. 

While there’s lot I want to talk about, the target of this blog will be my recent undertaking to better understanding my limits. As many point out to me, I lack the ability to limit myself properly. I don’t recognize my own limits, nor do I respect them. Mental and physical fatigue, physical wellbeing, patience, etc. All very abused elements of who I am. 

The downside to going “100%” is that it isn’t maintainable. There’s burnout, recoil, recovery, all those nasty things. It can result in inconsistent showings and overall, a decrease in ones general reliability. That’s the thing I hate most. 

I want to be reliable. I want to be relied on. 

I have to earn that, obviously. To be reliable, I need to be consistent. That means consistent and frequent fluctuations from 100% to 30% and back up to 100% are no good to anyone. The fix? 70% Simon. 

I am working on maintaining a consistent 70% Simon. As Sifu Rybak told me, a consistent 70% Simon is far favourable over a drastically inconsistent 30%-100% Simon. This means taking breaks. This means slowing down. This means taking it easy. Not just in Kung Fu, but with every balance I have. Work, personal, home, so on and so forth. 

Once I can maintain a consistent 70%, my goal will be to maintain a consistent 71%. It’s a long game, I think, and one will take lots of mentoring and reassessment. After all, it’s not like I know the difference between my 70% and my 100%. Maybe that’s the first step?

numbers

Numbers post since I haven’t blogged in a week ish. Still having issues with sizing formats.. please bear with me

Numbers

Situps: 11150 / 50000

Pushups: 15060 / 50000

AoK: 462 / 1000

Katana: 185 / 1000

Sword Spear: 213 / 1000

Sparring: 281 / 1000

Distance (km): 381.75 / 1609

Personal

Tai Chi (reps): 61 / 250

Tai Chi (unexcused absences): 1 / 0

Stretching (hrs): 54.75 / 150

MMCs: 1 / 10

Ski Trips: 1 / 4

Volunteering: 0 / 3