Tiring

The series of blogs I’ve been doing lately (the last two and the next couple) are focusing on my insecurities and other triggers, in an effort to identify and analyze them. My hope is to be able to use my blogs as a way to document what I am experiencing on the mats and how I am trying to overcome them, as well as opening the door for advice. They are very emotionally draining, though, and some may take me longer to write. This is a bit of a “break time” blog as I work on the next one. 

I really didn’t want to go to black belt class yesterday; I felt terrible and sick and just not okay. My cat and I took a nap at 5:30 (because I really wasn’t feeling like being awake and my cat wanted to cuddle so hey, two birds one stone), and I didn’t wake up until my dad called me at 7 asking if I was going to class with him. I said no. Eight minutes later I had dragged myself into the car. I made it to class and I took part in class, and I think that was pretty okay. I worry I didn’t retain what I needed to, but the fact that I still experienced it is better than the alternative. 

I’m thankful for the Tiger Challenge and for Sifu Rybaks ongoing support and encouragement because I probably wouldn’t have gone to class without them. My obligations to my partners really pushed me to show up, even if it wasn’t the easiest thing. I may need to find a new commitment once tiger challenge is over, but that’s a problem for later. My current goal is to submit my entry; I have tried thrice now to sign up but I can never seem to complete the application. I want to get that done by the end of today. 

I am also feeling a lot bit guilty over missing Tai Chi classes, but I am still focusing on my own practice and trying to get atleast 3 reps in during the week. I am working on my footwork and trying to apply what I have been given in previous parts.