One of my biggest struggles with physical activity is knowing my limits. When I was younger, I still struggled with this, but I had a fail safe. I was much more lazy than I am today (or so I like to think). These two factors balanced each other out, I believe. Not knowing my limits caused me to push myself, but my lazy nature kept me from going too far. Not a super healthy balance, but I didn’t even care about it back then. And in the instances where I gave it my all, I often ended up exerting myself to unhealthy levels.
Now, I do care. While I am not perfect, I think I have grown past a lot of those troublesome aspects of my personality. However, a problem has arisen. As unhealthy as it was, the balance of sloth and personal disregard was still a balance. Now, as I become more attentive and responsive to my training and improvement, the scale has heavily shifted in favour of the personal disregard.
I have been struggling with my physical health as of late. There are times where I cannot eat or sleep for extended periods of time, and yet I still try to push myself on the mats the same as I would on a normal day. There are times where this habit lends itself to increased chance of injury and accident. The problem is that I cannot help it. Something about my psychological state dictates that I need to keep going. For better or for worse, that psychological “juggernaut” state lets me do so much more. It makes me excited, it makes me energetic, it makes me want to keep going. I shrug off the little bumps and bruises (and sometimes the big bumps and bruises) and I keep stepping forwards.
While I cannot help it, I do recognize that it is not always good. I am grateful for those around me who recognize when I begin to run on empty and bring it to my attention. I am sorry for how much I argue back about how this is not the case; I am not the most intelligent. While I have begun adding more self care into my daily regimen, I have also been working on methods which help limit me from pushing myself too far. Those are still a work in progress, however.
Over the past several months, I have been relying a lot on a close friend of mine- someone who goes out of their way to check in on me daily and makes sure I am not pushing myself too hard. While I still like to push myself as far as I can, knowing that someone is actively conscious of my physical wellbeing makes it easier to be aware of it myself. Because of that, I am so remarkably grateful for this person.
I apologize if this post seems a little discombobulated.. I do not believe I can accurately portray all of my thoughts on the matter. Moral of the story, I believe progress is occurring. I am still getting better. Slowly but surely.
Push-ups: 280
Sit-ups: 160
AoK: 6
Katana: 4
Snake: 4
Sparring: 7
Distance (km): 6
No comments:
Post a Comment