Shutting down

This past weekend, dad started working with me on driving. Now, he was a paramedic for quite some time and knows how to drive quite responsibly. One of the first rules he told me was "If I say you're doing something wrong, listen to me and fix it." Easier said then done. The moments you get into a situation, your brain kicks into panic mode, shuts everything that's around you, out. You forget what you were told, the warnings given. You shut down. This is one of the things I struggle with most. Preventing shut downs. Driving has highlighted this greatly. When in a crisis, I love love love to shut down and "give up", in a sense. I'm working against this, and it's been proven to be more difficult than expected. But what's worse than shutting down, is that when I do shut down, I start to stop caring, I almost entirely give up, as I'm afraid of shutting down again, knowing it can hurt me or someone else. These reasons put together give me reasons to strive on overcoming this habit, and I hope it's something I can overcome throughout the year.

Feeling Lost

Firstly, congrats to Sifu Krebs, Sifu Vanderham, Sifu Csillag and Sifu Fuhr. You guys did great and truly deserve it. To top that off, this was my favourite Chinese New Year of all time. Working with the Sheep team one last time truly made me happy. Previously in the week, Sifu Brinker stated that after we got through everything, we would feel lost for a little bit. At the time, I didn't understand what he meant. How could someone feel "lost" after performing the performance they've been practicing forever on? News flash. I get what he was saying now. I feel lost and confused, as though my brain had been reset. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Starting in the year of the monkey, you wonder how it will go, with some of the people leaving, even though they felt like family. But as you lose some, you gain others, who will impact your life just as much. Another thing that's left me "lost" or on reset mode was the change of weapon. Even though I love the kama's a lot, having a sword in my hand feels natural. It feels right. All the change is a lot to take in, but once you get used to it, all's well. Till next year, when we have to go through it all again, but hey, that's a year away, right?

The Big Picture

I want to start this post off by saying Happy Family Day to everyone and a late Valentines as well. Anyway, this family day got me thinking. What would my life look like without the exact family I have? It made me realize that, even despite the rather annoying siblings, my life is perfect with the family I have, and the friends that go with it. And I am greatfull for this. And then you come to realize the big picture, how life is just like a big, big, BIG Tetras game. Every move you make at one point results in either some sort of failure or success a little ways down the road. So many little events and decisions contribute to a big outcome, which contribute to a bigger outcome, and so on and so forth. Growing up, for example. If you get raised in a house of violence, abuse, swearing, etc, you're life will be different then if you grow up in a calm, collected, peaceful household. One person will be aggressive, get into more fights, be a reckless person in general, whilst the other has a better chance of keeping a cool head and a controlled temper, to say. You have to surround yourself in the environment you want to be like. For me, that environment is the Kwoon and people that go with it.

Year of the Sheep

Now, first thing looking back into the Year of the Sheep, and regretting, was not blogging enough. I blogged only a few times this year, without any good reason. I just kept saying "Let's do it tomorrow." But, I also have been looking back at the good times of the year, and everything I gained from it. One of the big things is teamwork. I haven't really been on any team sports, or worked as a team for anything really. Being on the dragon team opened my eyes to how important it is to do your part properly, and more importantly, safely. If you do something wrong, you could trip someome one or sending them flying around the corner. Another thing about teamwork is communicating with your partner(s). One good example? The demo. If you go on with someone but neither of you say "I want that square" and you guys just go on, and your partner starts swinging around their weapon, you'll be a Kung-fu-kabob. But all in all, I think the most important part was the people. It's becomes a family. A very big family. With rather potentially dangerous members. And a lion. And a dragon.