However, it’s not always easy to find five. There are days where I am not in it. You know, those “lazy days”. Never leave the house, most of the time in my room, not a lot of food and water or activity, those type of days. I have them more than I care to admit. Heck, I like them more than I care to admit. I like to be lazy; it’s easy to be lazy. However, you don’t need to be a therapist to determine that these “lazy days” are nothing but detrimental to my mental health. And once upon a time, not so long ago, I was fine with that.
At the end of these days, I don’t really have much I could come up with for AoK. At some point, the more normal it became to do this end of day review, the more I started feeling guilty about it. It’s been motivating me to try and not rot all day, yknow? Which is important, I think, because I really needed something which naturally motivates me; that doesn’t feel forced.
Part of this shift in perspective comes from the shift in how I’ve been viewing my AoK. Starting a few months ago, I’ve been treating it as a gratitude exercise. For example, a few weeks ago, I was at a restaurant that didn’t have mobility assistance on the doors. An older couple goes to leave, with the man pushing his partner on her wheelchair, trying to figure out how to get through the door. I get up, I help them through the doors, help them to their car, they go on their way. Act of kindness, boom. But instead of viewing it simply as such, I took the approach of “I am grateful I was able to help these people. It could have been anyone, but it also could have been no one, and as such, I am grateful I was where I was when I was, and that I had the chance to be kind”.
It’s crazy how powerful this change of perspective has been on me. For one, it has made me a lot more conscious (and grateful) of the kindness that is offered towards me. On top of my own five AoKs that I reflect upon, I have included five AoKs that have been directed towards me by other people. “This stranger did this for me, and this stranger did this, and this stranger did this, and for all of these things I am grateful for these people”. This approach has made me extremely more appreciative towards these gestures, and also more aware of the areas in my life I can improve in such a way that gives back, if that makes sense?
I’ve also become more grateful for a lot of simpler things that I maybe take for granted. When I am grateful I had the opportunity to improve someone’s life, even if only for a moment, it ripples into everything necessary for it to happen. “I am grateful I got to hold this door open” turns into “I am grateful I was invited out to supper, I am grateful for the friends who invite me out to supper, I am grateful for opportunities that let me become friends with these individuals” all the way down to the base of “I am grateful I am alive today”.
I am grateful I am alive today.
I need that. I need that mindset. That simple, basic mindset is the difference between me allowing myself to waste away versus me forcing myself to go outside, go for a walk, go to a movie, enjoy the sun, and live a little bit of life.
There is more I can add to this but it’s already a short novel, so I’ll likely be doing a part two sometime in the future. To end it, I am grateful for gratitude. And for all of you, if you didn’t know :)
